I had a brain aneurysm March 16, 2018. I never really understood what that meant until it ruptured. I know what made me mad. I don't know what happened. The anger is hard to control after ruptured brain aneurysm.
The day it all happened
I still remember what happened the day it all began. It started off as an exciting day. I had just got to Craig's and was ready for our trip to Cambria. I was sotting at the kitchen table when I felt this sudden pain in my head that caused me to blackout. I quickly found myself stumbled to the bathroom, confused and in immense pain.
I begged Craig to call an ambulance. After asking several times he quickly called and I was rushed to the hospital. After some tests, it was concluded that I had just suffered a ruptured brain aneurysm.
At this point, I had so many questions in my mind and I was scared the intense pain would never go away. I was confused by what had just happened. I was surprisingly finally calm and composed, even with the pain. I knew, I wasn't going to make it, and accepted. I somehow survived but with all my losses the anger consumed me.
Little did I know that that anger would persist in the days, weeks, months and years to come following the event. It was a very confusing time as I still was not sure what had actually happened, and it would take some time for me to understand the complexities of a ruptured brain aneurysm.
The people that showed true colors
I was surrounded by a lot of people in the weeks that followed my ruptured brain aneurysm. Some people expressed genuine concern and care while others chose to look away. The people that showed true colors during this turbulent time were my family and some friends.
My boyfriend used to be a steady rock but disappeared through it all. He was never with me during doctor’s appointment and would always make sure to disappear when I needed treatment and care. He was pushed away and not understanding how difficult it to get back to living a normal life.
My family rushed to be by my side and were there in every step of the way in the hospital. They were encouraging and motivating but didn't understand how to provide emotional support. When I needed it most I didn't know how to deal with it. But as
These two groups of people stayed by my side, as much as they could, through the tough times and that’s why I’m so grateful for them. It’s important to recognize the people who truly care about us and make sure to show them the same level of care and love even when you can't.
The anger I felt was uncontrollable
Anger and frustration were common feelings I experienced post-ruptured brain aneurysm. It was a difficult emotion to manage and control, especially when all I wanted to do was scream and lash out.
It’s normal to feel different emotions - sadness, anger, or grief - in situations like this, but, it’s important to express these feelings in a healthy way. I’m not saying that it’s easy, as it definitely takes some effort.
I tried my best to find a healthy outlet for my emotions. I would talk to friends, a therapist, art activities, and writing down my thoughts and experiences. I also gave myself the freedom to feel frustrated and angry and allowed myself to process these emotions but often the anger was overwhelming.
It’s important to recognize these intense emotions and accept them for what they are. With the help of counselers and friends, learning to express these tough emotions in healthy ways can help you to feel more balanced and regain perspective; know that it is normal and you are not alone.
The people that stayed by my side
Going through a serious illness is scary, overwhelming and extremely difficult. One of the major things that helped me through my recovery journey was having the support of friends and support groups.
The people that stayed by my side during this difficult time, provided me with encouragement and understanding. Nobody knew exactly how I was feeling and what I was going through, so having someone who could really listen and show empathy was very valuable.
It was also nice to have other survivors around. People that had gone through similar experiences and could give advice or provide insight on what I was going through. Knowing others had gone through this and come out the other side, gave me hope and helped me to remain positive.
I am thankful for all the people who helped me through my recovery and continue to help me navigate the post-aneurysm world. Learning to deal with the physical, mental, and emotional struggles that come with a ruptured brain aneurysm is not easy, so I am glad I had a team of people to support me through it.
What I’ve learned since then
Since my ruptured brain aneurysm, I have learned that it is important to remain aware of your emotions, don’t take things personally, take time to cool off from arguments or stressful situations, prioritize your health both mentally and physically, and know that it is okay to ask for help.
Learning to express and control anger has been an important lesson for me. Over the years, I have had to practice my reactions, especially when I was in a situation that was challenging. I now use different strategies to manage my emotions, such as taking deep breaths, engaging in physical activity, or stepping away from the situation if I need to. Learning how to accept and process my emotions has been one of the best things I have done for myself.
I’ve also learned that you may never know what someone is going through, so it is best to be patient and understanding. This simple piece of advice has been useful in my journey as an aneurysm survivor, and I find it to be applicable in many aspects of life.
In conclusion, learning to control my emotions and express them in healthier ways has been one of the best things that I have done for myself as an aneurysm survivor and in general. The ruptured brain aneurysm I experienced was life-altering, and there were many times that I felt like I lost control of my life. Now that I’ve taken the time to learn the skills I needed to manage my emotions, I have been much more successful in life.
Finally, it is important to remember that everyone has their own struggles and it is important to be patient and understanding with them. This can make a big difference in someone's life, and if we all make a conscious effort to do this, we can create a better world for ourselves and for others.