I remember every detail of this week last year. Nothing bothered me. Not even having to go back and get my keys after dropping my car off. I was getting ready for my trip with Craig. A trip I would never get to take.
This Brain Aneurysm Survivor is doing everything possible to celebrate and appreciate the life I have now. I will get back to my positive self soon. Just going to be a hard few days for me. Because more than anything, I want my last week, of my real life, back.
A year ago today I was excited, happy...everything exactly the way I wanted my life to be. I was getting ready for a trip I never got the chance to go on. That's what kills me. It's so unfair. If I could have just had that. Even just that one night of it. I think I could have moved on faster after what I went through.
Even in the ER I kept thinking, if the pain would hurry up and go away I can still go on my trip tomorrow. Then on the emergency plane to UCSF I thought we would reschedule because, come on, this can't take too long. I don't know when I realized I'd never get that day. That's, seriously, what I want but impossible to ever have. Just that one night. It sucks. Can't wait until the 17th. Just want to be over dwelling on the last week of my old life and actually really start enjoying my new one.
It’s been almost one year since I suffered from a ruptured brain aneurysm, and the memories of that fateful night still haunt me. After being rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery, I was told I was lucky to be alive. The doctor’s words, “it was a miracle,” still echo in my head and I can’t help but feel that my life has changed drastically since then.
The physical effects of the brain aneurysm were apparent almost immediately. I had to learn how to walk, talk and eat all over again, and my motor skills and cognitive abilities were severely affected. I was also left with chronic fatigue, excruciating headaches and never-ending vertigo.
The emotional effects have been much harder to overcome. I couldn’t help but wonder, “What if it had been worse? What if I hadn’t been so lucky?” I’ve started to obsess over the life I’ve lost and the opportunities I’ll never experience again. Everywhere I go I get reminded that I’m not who I used to be – at times it’s completely overwhelming.
I’m trying my best to keep a positive outlook and let go of the life I lost before my brain aneurysm, but it’s a difficult task. They say life gives you lemons and you make lemonade, and I’m trying to do just that — celebrate the new life I’m creating for myself and find solace in the small victories.
The road to recovery is undoubtedly a long one, and I accept that I’ll never fully get back to who I was before the aneurysm. I’m doing my best to take it one day at a time and slowly find my way within this new reality. It’s a lonely journey, and one I’m not entirely prepared for, but I’m determined to make the most out of it.