I smile even though I’m walking down the street alone. I doubt anyone would look at me and think there goes a brain aneurysm survivor and I feel safe. I love my cute little town. It’s really old fashioned. Such friendly people. Many of them look like cowboys to me. It's a really casual and relaxed place to live. This is a country town. It’s the largest agricultural area in the U.S. Farmers market is great. The best fruit and vegetables anywhere.
The antique and retail stores have been here for many years. It seems like the same crowds are always kicking back at the cute coffee shops and restaurants. I love how comfortable it is. I stop to chat with at least a couple people every time I walk through.
I love how music speakers are set up so all down my street I can hear it. I love music. Pretty much every night local bands are playing at some of the delicious restaurants and bars. I’m so lucky to be able to just walk out my door to all the entertainment.
A window decoration catches my attention. I love those clothes. My eyes catch my own. I try not to look at myself. I used to look okay. I used to feel really good but now, well, I don’t even know who I am. My head was shaved. It’s grown back a little but so short it can’t be styled yet. It sticks up in spots. It’s not that I don’t care. I just gave up on styling it. I guess I should have put some makeup on but why bother? I don’t think there’s much I can do to look pretty.
Pretty. That reminds me of when I was just about to go into surgery. I like to describe it in a “funny” way. Come on. It happened and quite frankly I don’t really understand much about the surgery. I just know how much it changed my life.
When I was on the table about to be tested for who knows what I realized I was wearing contacts. For some reason they let me walk to the sink. I tried to take them out but couldn’t. What I remember was looking in the mirror and realizing how pretty I looked.
Pretty even though my head exploded.
These thoughts always take me back to Craig. I should have let him stay with me instead of making him sit in the waiting room. I didn't want him to see me in so much pain. I didn't want him to watch me cry. I had spent four hours getting ready for him and my mascara was all over my face. If I let him stay then maybe he would have said goodbye. I survived but I can't forgive. I looked pretty then but now I look hideous.