Aneurysms suck but not just because of what you physically go through.  Losing people you love hurts. Being treated like you’re a job sucks.  I can barely talk but if you’d pay attention you would realize inside I’m still here.  The things I want to say are clear in my head but then they go all over and can’t get out.  Sometimes it’s just easier to think about who I used to be because I have no fucking idea who I am now.
Even though this doesn’t help me move on I’d rather think about you.  It helps me make it through the day. I need to move forward but I want my life back. I was so happy. So freaking happy. Sitting at your table, drinking wine, so excited for our trip. I loved you.Â
I thought I knew everything but reality is none of us really know anything. Each day, no every minute, should be appreciated. If I had to do it again I would have never took my eyes off of you.
I was always sitting close to you but this time I would have even been closer, arms wrapped around you. Holding on because it matters more than anything else to hold on to what gives you joy.  It can be taken away anytime.
It doesn’t matter where or when. It can be taken away immediately. No matter how happy, how strong, how confident you are it all can go away. Nothing’s safe. Nothings controlled. Nothings really yours even when your wanted.  It hurts. Damn it,  you really fucked me over.
Sometimes life can be incredibly hard and healing can feel impossible. It's okay to feel this way and it's important to seek support when needed. It may feel like nothing will ever get better, but it's important to keep holding on and to seek out the help you need. Please know that there are people who care and want to help you. Don't give up hope.