I know I'm supposed to smile or at least attempt to look happy but I feel a little overwhelmed. Why is he bringing up marriage now? I'm getting everything I’ve wanted back since right before the ruptured brain aneurysm. I thought that I couldn’t have that life with him...but I can. I’ve had one foot out the door in this new life of mine. I've spent most of my time mourning loss of who I used to be. I'm not her anymore.
Part of me has been lost in my old life. It had all been taken from me so quickly. I finally figured out I don’t want it back. I'm happy with who I am now. All the crazy changes and all. I thought I wanted him. I wonder how long I’ve been finished? Was I afraid to start over? I wonder why I've wasted over 2 years? It’s like this chapters’s finally over. I’m not usually a bitch but I don’t owe him anything.
He wasn't there for me when I needed him. I’m not going to marry him and I don’t want this. Not that I’m trying to hurt him. I just don’t fit in to that life. I’m not going to say things like “life is fabulous” or “I’m ready for change or so happy ” etc. I have so much to figure out. It's ok. It’s manageable. I can handle it. It’s like a new chapter. I have no idea what’s going to happen. I just know I don't want to marry him.
Experiencing a traumatic event has had a profound impact on my emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. It's changed the way I view the world and the people in it. When I experienced an aneurysm, it was a life-changing event for both me and my loved ones. I've heard it's not uncommon to develop strong feelings of wanting to be with someone after such an event. However, these emotions are complex and have evolved over time.
At first, I felt an intense desire to be with him, fueled by fear and uncertainty. The day of my ruptured aneurysm I had spent so much time deciding where he and I were headed. I loved him but wasn't sure I wanted to be in such a serious relationship anymore. That same day I lost that choice.
I needed to feel that I was safe. I needed him to be there to protect me and ensure my safety. This desire was accompanied by feelings of guilt and anger. I believed that he was not there for me when the aneurysm occurred.
As time goes on, however, my emotions have changed. He's overwhelming and I resent him, as the demands have become too much to bear. I feel like I'm sacrificing too much of my own life to let him still have the old me, and I'm developing feelings of frustration and anger.
I fell it is important for me to acknowledge and understand these changing emotions, and I need to seek support from others. Talking to a therapist or counselor might be helpful, as they can provide guidance and support and, hopefully, navigates these complex emotions.
It is also important for me to take care of myself and my own needs, even though I'll always care for him. I've been focused on self-care activities like exercise, meditation, and spending time with new friends. It's helped me manage my emotions and maintain my own well-being.
Acknowledging the past and present feelings
Acknowledging both past and current feelings towards him after my traumatic event has been challenging but necessary for healing and moving forward. I have mixed emotions towards him after experiencing this life-changing event. However, I feel it is important to acknowledge and address my feelings rather than bottle them up.
Reflecting on the past and how my feelings have changed since the event has helped me come to terms with my emotions. It is important for me to consider why the feelings have changed over time and whether this is a result of his actions or circumstances outside of my control.
I need to acknowledge that I do not owe him my presence after my aneurysm rupture, and that it is okay to prioritize my own needs. Hopefully, this can help alleviate any feelings of guilt or obligation. Communicating openly with him and expressing my needs, and setting clear boundaries might also be helpful in managing my complex emotions.
In addition, I need to get support from a therapist or counselor. Maybe it can provide a safe space to explore and process these feelings. I hope it can also provide helpful tools and strategies to cope with any of my lingering emotions and move towards healing and acceptance. It is important that I remember that healing is a process and may take time, but acknowledging and addressing my emotions is an important step forward.
Understanding the impact of absence during a critical time
During this critical time, the occurrence of my aneurysm, the absence if him had a significant impact on my emotional well-being. It has been difficult to understand why he was not there in the moment of crisis, especially because he was important in my life.
It is essential that I recognize that I cope with this traumatic event differently, and his absence during this event might not necessarily be a reflection of how much he cares or values the relationship. For instance, he may have a valid reason for not being present, such as work obligations or prior commitments that he could not cancel.
However, it is also important that I acknowledge the emotional impact of his absence and how it affected my healing process. Absence has brought feelings of loneliness, isolation, and helplessness, which hindered my recovery. Understanding these emotions is helping me process my feelings and taking steps towards healing.
It is also important for me to recognize that healing is a personal and unique journey. I need to support and understand myself during this healing process. It us key to moving forward. Seeking therapy or counseling can be beneficial in gaining a clearer understanding of my emotions and may help me address any lingering feelings of abandonment or hurt.
In conclusion, understanding the impact of his absence during such a critical time is going to be challenging but ultimately necessary for my healing and growth. Acceptance, communication, and seeking support are all crucial components of moving forward and accepting what has happened.
Evaluating what you want and need in a relationship
Relationships can be a complex and often challenging aspect of life. It is important that I take the time to evaluate what I want and need in a relationship before committing to one.
I should start by reflecting on past relationships and identifying patterns or behaviors that did not work for me. This can help me better understand my needs and preferences moving forward. Additionally, I should consider what qualities or traits are important to me in a partner, such as honesty, communication, empathy, and respect.
It is also important to evaluate my own expectations and goals for a relationship. Am I looking for a long-term commitment, or something more casual? What are my priorities in the relationship? By identifying my own wants and needs, I can better communicate them to my partner and work towards a mutually fulfilling relationship.
Next time, when considering a potential partner, I will pay attention to how they treat me and others, how they communicate, and whether our values align. It is important for me to remember that no relationship is perfect and communication and compromise are necessary for a healthy relationship.
I will take the time to evaluate the relationship regularly and address any issues or concerns that arise. If the relationship is no longer meeting my needs or goals, it may be time to re-evaluate and consider ending the relationship.
In conclusion, evaluating what I want and need in a relationship is essential for a healthy and fulfilling partnership. I will take time to reflect and communicate my needs to my partner to establish a strong foundation for our relationship.
Moving forward without guilt or obligation
Sometimes in life, I find myself in situations where I think I want something or someone, but later on, I realize that it's not what I truly need or want. This can be challenging, particularly if I feel guilty or obligated to stay in a situation.
An example of this could be my relationship as a result of emotional turmoil and trauma following the aneurysm. Initially, I felt that I wanted to be there with my partner, but as time goes on, I realize that we are staying in the relationship out of obligation and guilt.
It is essential that I recognize that it is okay to change my mind and move forward without feeling guilty or obligated. It is my right to make choices that align with my needs and wants.
So, how do I move forward without guilt or obligation? Here are some suggestions:
1. Be honest with myself and others: Acknowledge my feelings and communicate them honestly with myself and anyone else involved.
2. Practice self-compassion: Recognize that it is okay to put myself first and take care of my needs.
3. Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about my feelings and decision-making process.
4. Set boundaries: Let others know what I am and what I'm not comfortable with and stick to them.
5. Focus on the future: While it is important to learn from the past, it is also essential to focus on the future and what it holds for me.
In conclusion, moving forward without guilt or obligation is a challenging but necessary part of life. By being honest with myself and others, practicing self-compassion, seeking support, setting boundaries, and focusing on the future, I can make choices that align with my needs and wants.
It's okay to change your mind and prioritize self-care
Life is full of unexpected twists and turns, and sometimes I find myself wanting things that I later realize aren't what I truly need or want. It's okay to change my mind and prioritize self-care, even if it means walking away from obligations or relationships that no longer serve me.
Moving forward without guilt or obligation requires honesty, self-compassion, support, setting boundaries, and focusing on the future. It can be challenging, but it's essential to make choices that align with my needs and wants.
Remember that prioritizing self-care does not mean being selfish or insensitive to others' needs. It means taking responsibility for my own wellbeing and making choices that are in my best interest.
In conclusion, don't be afraid to change my mind and prioritize self-care. It's okay to let go of obligations or relationships that no longer serve me. Embrace honesty, self-compassion, support, setting boundaries, and a focus on the future, and I'll find myself in a more fulfilling and balanced life.